Sleep...I wish.

Sometimes at night I have trouble sleeping. Usually its not even that anything is wrong, or I'm in pain or something, sometimes I just don't feel like sleeping. Sometimes, like tonight, I just have so much on my mind I can't get my brain to calm down enough to sleep. Lately I feel like nothing in my life is going the way I want it to. School sucks. If college is supposed to prepare me for the real world, how come it just makes me feel stupid most of the time. Granted I know there are things I can do to probably make it easier for me, but I still don't know what those things are. If anyone can tell me how to fix it, please share. I welcome your suggestions, no matter how stupid and wrong they are. I'm sick of studying for exams, feeling good about what I've studied, then doing terrible on the test. I'm sick of worrying about grades and keeping up with all the "smart kids". I'm sick of worrying about dental school, and that I may not be good enough. I'm sick of life. I'm sick of girls. Why do they have to be so frustrating? They don't know what they want, and when they do they don't tell you. Am I supposed to read your mind? Sorry, not possible sweetheart. Tell me what you want me to do! I'm sick of girls lying to me. Telling me one thing for this reason or that, then a week later changing their mind. I'm sick of trying to open up to people, then having them only pretend they care. Is it too much to ask to have someone to share my life with? It must be because every time I try, it doesn't work. I'm sick of trying to be a good person, and having it mean nothing to anyone but me. No more Mr. Nice-Guy world. You have brought this upon yourself.

Life in the Fast Lane

Blogging is hard. I think it's just hard to find time between all my crap that happens everyday to sit and write. It's funny that I say that right now because I just gave a speech recently about the importance of keeping a journal, and one of my points was that we all have different excuses why we don't keep a journal. One excuse I talked about was how we often say we don't have time to write. My solution was blogging. So here I am avoiding my blogging because I don't have time when really it's supposed to be helping with allowing me the time I need to write. In the near future I will post the link so you can see my speech online. I wish I could be more like my friend Janet. She is such a great blogger. I like reading her blog because it is simply everyday thoughts directly from her head. No holding back. That's what blogging is about I'm realizing, just writing. Writing about life, love, happiness, sorrow, good, bad, questions, and answers. I want to do much much better at blogging, and be more like Janet.

A lot has happened lately in my life. Since I've written last, Thanksgiving happened. It was so nice to go home for a few days and hand with my family. It was awesome because my cousin Gus was there. I hadn't seen him for almost 5 years! It was nice to catch up with him. Thanksgiving I ate way too much of course. Who doesn't? I'm not much of an eater in the first place, but I like to make an exception on Thanksgiving. We saw the movie "The Blind Side" Thanksgiving night. It was so good! I love Sandra Bullock and she did a great job. I also love football, and great real life stories, and this movie was a great combination of those things. It was so great to be home, and I can't wait to go back very very soon!!

Another great thing that happened right before Thanksgiving break happened while I was playing in my indoor soccer league. This summer I really got into soccer, and I have been really impressed with my soccer skills. So impressed that somehow my cousin Chad talked me into joining his indoor team, even though I never have played indoor soccer before. Let me first say that we did not win ONE game. The last game of our little season, I was chasing after the ball, and some queer from the other team was behind me. Our feet got tangled together and I fell forward and he fell on top of me, and ended up sitting on the back of my head, very forcibly smashing my face into the ground. You need to understand that the ground we play on doesn't have any give like grass does, in fact its basically concrete covered with very very thin carpet. Needless to say, it did not feel good getting my face squished. I thought I would be fine. Let me sit down for a while and I'll be back. Nope. Wrong. I didn't feel better very quickly. I can handle headaches, I've had migraines my whole life, but this time I just felt like I couldn't relax. We eventually headed back to my grandma's house. I wasn't driving, and honestly I don't really remember much about what happened that night. I guess as we approached my grandma's house, I sat up in the back seat, and Kalicia asked if I was ok, and if I needed to throw up. I said no, and as we pulled up to my grandma's house, I puked in the backseat of my own car. Amazing I know. I opened the door and fell out of my car onto the cold, frosty grass, dripping in my own barf. Somehow I took off my shirt and shorts, leaving me just in my Rainbow Hot Pants (a pair of colorful spandex). My grandma thought it was a joke when we burst into her house. I was in bad shape, and since I threw up, they wanted to take me to the hospital. I so didn't want to go, I just wanted to relax, and the only way I let them take me was because I figured the stupid hospital would do something about my headache. Just in case you didn't know, if you have a head injury, the hospital will do nothing for you. They did nothing for me, short of letting me sit in a bed, waiting for two hours for them to scan my head, tell me I'm fine, and send me away with two pills that didn't help me at all. Thank you hospital. Thank you for nothing. I feel much better now, and after that night I suffered only slight headaches and a slightly swollen face for a few days. It has not scared me away from soccer completely.

Swollen face from soccer.

This week is finals week. Today I took two finals, Chem 106 and my student development class. I felt pretty good about both of them. My chemistry class has been pretty tough this semester, and I think my professor has finally realized that he may have made the class a little tougher than it needed to be, as most of the exams have had a average in the 50's. I felt much better about this final and hopefully it will turn out well. I only have my Physiology final and my New Testament final left. Both are proving to be much harder to prepare for than I originally thought. I hope to be done by Thursday morning. Then Saturday I get to go home!!! And I am soooooo stoked!!! Then Christmas, and that will be awesome too! I can't wait to be home with my family. We can go shooting, and sledding. It's gonna be sweet.

Merry Christmas Everyone!!